Michael said it with full confidence, like he was coining some legendary phrase. “What happens on Canada Day stays on Canada Day.” I just stared at him, shaking my head. SMH. He doesn’t know.
See, Michael is the type of guy who believes in the magic of temporary moments. The kind who thinks a wild night out has no consequences as long as everyone agrees to forget about it in the morning. But this isn’t Vegas. This isn’t some made-up rule. This is Canada Day, and trust me—nothing stays just on Canada Day.
Let’s rewind to last year. It was a perfect July 1st: warm, a little humid, fireworks ready to light up the night sky. Michael, with his classic overconfidence, had a plan. “We go all out,” he said, “Full Canada Day experience.” That should have been the first red flag.
The night started off simple—barbecue, a couple of drinks, and the usual “I love this country, man” speeches. But then, as always, Michael had to take things up a notch. Someone suggested face paint. Michael took it further—red and white from head to toe. Someone joked about a Canada flag cape. Michael? He fashioned one into an actual superhero-style outfit. And then, of course, the maple syrup shots began.
Now, if you’ve never had maple syrup shots, let me clarify: they are NOT a good idea. Sticky, way too sweet, and for some reason, Michael was convinced they had some “patriotic power” that would make the night legendary.
By the time the fireworks started, Michael was in full “Canada Mode.” He tried leading a group singalong of “O Canada” in the middle of the street—except he only knew half the lyrics and kept mumbling the rest. Then came the moment that solidified this as a Canada Day for the books.
Somewhere between the third round of drinks and Michael challenging a stranger to a “who’s more Canadian” contest (which, by the way, no one asked for), he made the ultimate mistake. He spotted a mounted police officer. And with the confidence of a man who truly believes his own hype, he marched up and said, “Sir, I must pet your horse. For Canada.”
Now, if you think the officer found this charming, you’d be very wrong. The polite-but-stern Canadian response was swift. “Sir, step back.” Michael, still riding his maple syrup-fueled patriotism, tried to reason. “It’s Canada Day! The horse is part of it! Let me live my truth!”
Long story short, Michael did not pet the horse. What he did do, however, was make such a scene that a video of the encounter went viral. A whole minute of Michael trying to debate the officer on the “spirit of the day.” His face, painted red and white, wild-eyed with excitement, captioned: When Canada Day Gets Too Real.
So, when Michael says, “What happens on Canada Day stays on Canada Day,” I just shake my head. Because buddy, that video is still out there. And trust me—Canada Day memories never stay just on Canada Day.
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